I was very thoroughly indoctrinated into this way of thinking from an early age. I've absolutely been "that guy". Repenting from it is both a continuous work (they're called "formative years" for a reason) and a huge relief. It was great to find that I could honestly appreciate how attractive one of my woman friends is, then just ... move on to other things and other thoughts. I didn't have to "try not to think about it" (which famously doesn't work at all) - I just stopped feeling like that was a significant observation that might change my feelings about that woman friend.
So I have especial gratitude for you putting this all together. The Twitter "draft" was already good, but this was very helpful to me in consolidating my learnings, past struggles, and current place on the topic, and settling it all a little deeper into my spirit. Younger men may save themselves a great deal of angst and subsequent pain and embarrassment by taking this to heart.
I learned an inconvenient truth when I spent a year in a Muslim-majority country, after going to the shopping mall and souqs and being able to lust for women who were literally covered from head-to-toe and the only body parts remotely visible were their eyes, that the problem wasn't the women or how they dressed. The problem was me.
This is the best article I’ve read all year. Great writing, and your points about the issues hit the proverbial nails where they need to be hit. I’m sick to death of hearing evangelical men self-righteously gush and sob about what women are wearing, like the church is a perpetual support group for their horny existence, and the worst part is then watching women rush to fix themselves and tell their daughters and youth groups to wear different things so we don’t cause men to stumble. News Flash: men are gonna stumble. You or me wearing yoga pants/spaghetti straps/a paper sack is not going to break the camel’s back.
I was very thoroughly indoctrinated into this way of thinking from an early age. I've absolutely been "that guy". Repenting from it is both a continuous work (they're called "formative years" for a reason) and a huge relief. It was great to find that I could honestly appreciate how attractive one of my woman friends is, then just ... move on to other things and other thoughts. I didn't have to "try not to think about it" (which famously doesn't work at all) - I just stopped feeling like that was a significant observation that might change my feelings about that woman friend.
So I have especial gratitude for you putting this all together. The Twitter "draft" was already good, but this was very helpful to me in consolidating my learnings, past struggles, and current place on the topic, and settling it all a little deeper into my spirit. Younger men may save themselves a great deal of angst and subsequent pain and embarrassment by taking this to heart.
I learned an inconvenient truth when I spent a year in a Muslim-majority country, after going to the shopping mall and souqs and being able to lust for women who were literally covered from head-to-toe and the only body parts remotely visible were their eyes, that the problem wasn't the women or how they dressed. The problem was me.
This is the best article I’ve read all year. Great writing, and your points about the issues hit the proverbial nails where they need to be hit. I’m sick to death of hearing evangelical men self-righteously gush and sob about what women are wearing, like the church is a perpetual support group for their horny existence, and the worst part is then watching women rush to fix themselves and tell their daughters and youth groups to wear different things so we don’t cause men to stumble. News Flash: men are gonna stumble. You or me wearing yoga pants/spaghetti straps/a paper sack is not going to break the camel’s back.
Ya know, I think I have a girl crush on the way you express yourself. Thank you so much, Laura. I’m fired up. In a good way 🙂
Yes! This! This whole post is so good.